Search the web for help on organizing your special day, wedding etiquette, wedding gifts and registries, and you will be stunned at all the help and information at your fingertips. Planning YOUR perfect day has just begun.

So your big day is organized, everything from your custom invitations, a dress to die for, a perfect venue, the most beautiful flowers mother nature could offer, gourmet catering… everything you have dreamed of for so long.

Your special day is all you have hoped for and family and friends share in your happiness, proud to be witness to another match made in heaven. They came from all around to honor you with their presence, warm wishes and hand-picked gifts. Gifts that probably took them hours to shop for, having your taste and preferences in mind.

Sadly, often times properly thanking those that contributed to making your wedding day a day you will always remember, is left behind. How often is appreciation shown by means of a special thank-you note from you, acknowledging their thoughtful gift? I can guarantee that this small effort on your part, will warm their harts, and like you, they will think back with kind thoughts on your special day they felt privileged to share.

Enjoy your special day, have a blissful honeymoon and when you get back and start your everyday lives together, spend a bit of creative energy on how to thank them properly!

Please visit http://www.Stick-It.co.za for creative help in thanking them properly.

Keep hydrated

Make sure that you do not become dehydrated. Your body needs a
constant intake of water to be healthy. You can be hydrated by
drinking plenty of water and other fluids such as herbal teas,
multi-vitamin, health benefits and 100% fruit juices. Soups also
contain water and count as a liquid. Indication that you are
well hydrated is your urine being clear and not yellow, and not
feeling thirsty throughout your day. Multi-vitamin, health
benefits and 100% fruit juices.

Vitamins

Take a multivitamin per day to get the vitamins and minerals you
may not get through your food. B6 is a member of the B vitamin
family, and helps in stress reduction. Vitamin B6 converts
tryptophan into serotonin, the chemical which makes us feel less
stress and more relaxed. B6 also helps lesson pre-menstrual
syndrome. Food sources of B6 include tuna, chicken, beef, prunes
and bananas. Before taking B6 supplements, consult with your
physician as too much B6 can result in irreversible nerve
damage. Multi-vitamin, health benefits and 100% fruit juices.

Exercise

Should be a part of everyone’s life as the health benefits are
numerous. Get healthy for your wedding day by doing a form of
exercise that you enjoy. Many types of exercise will be good for
your heart, lungs, muscles and bones, such as working out at a
gym, walking, biking, hiking or even gardening. Moving your
muscles and remaining active with proper rest periods is
beneficial to your overall health. Exercise creates endorphins,
chemicals in our brains that act as natural anti depressants.
When we exercise we sleep better. Check with your physician
before starting any exercise program. Multi-vitamin, health
benefits and 100% fruit juices.

Ken and Deidre are successful authors and publishers of Health
and Beauty information specified for you.
http://www.weddingdresses-gifts-flowers.com and look under Bride
Health.

A woman once visited a counselor to ask a question about her marriage. I have a funny feeling that you might not be especially impressed with the answer she was given.

All the same, I’ll take my chances. I think my shoulders are broad enough.

I stand by the counselor’s response 100%.

The questioner (let’s call her Jane) was married to a divorcee. Her husband (John) had to pay a certain sum of money every month to his previous wife as alimony, or whatever.

Sticky patch

He had just started a
new business and was passing through a financial sticky patch. The obligation to his ex-wife, on top of everything else, was putting John under a lot of pressure.

Jane was a working person and gladly helped to pay the family debts. She never thought twice about it. But could she be expected to contribute in this case?

Surely, reasoned Jane, her husband’s financial commitment to somebody to whom he had been married previously had nothing to do with her? Yes, she and John were life partners and she was happy to
share all his burdens.

But even for what happened in a previous life, so to speak? Wasn’t that going too far?

“I must confess I don’t really understand your question,” the counselor gently told Jane after listening intently to her dilemma.

“You and John are husband and wife. John has a debt. He’s struggling to pay it. What difference does it make what the debt is for? It’s a debt, period!”

The counselor smiled warmly at Jane before she continued.

“His problems are your problems. You’re in this together. Why on earth shouldn’t you help pay the debt? If, after all, it’s difficult for
you to accept this, it must be that there’s some deeper problem in your marriage…”

And that’s it.

Don’t hit the roof!

Now, it’s important not to misunderstand the counselor, or me. I don’t want your blood pressure to hit the roof! We have to keep cool heads and put everything in the proper perspective.

First of all, she wasn’t implying, of course, that John now had a licence to sit back, put his legs up, and meditate blissfully about the higher meaning of life, while his dear and ever obliging
spouse worked like a donkey to pay the price of his past.

Not at all. I should think that’s pretty obvious, but I have to stress it just in case.

Secondly, when we talk about husband and wife being full partners in the business of living, about sharing each other’s burdens - financial or otherwise - no less than each other’s joys, we are not saying for one moment that either party must contribute more than is reasonable.

In the case of our story, Jane was a high-earning professional. In other instances, a wife may bring in little or no income, for any of a number of reasons. It may not be desirable that she be working at all.

And not only money!

But that’s hardly the point. We’re talking of quality, rather than quantity. One can only do what one can, but it’s the real desire to help that counts. And contributing doesn’t only mean
money.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I don’t really like the use of the word PARTNER in connection with marriage.

True, we’ve used it up to now, for want of a better term. It does come in handy to describe a good marriage relationship, up to a point.

Yet, I hardly think that an ideal marriage relationship is a “partnership” in the same sense that we talk about a business partnership, for example. Not at all. When we think of a partnership, we usually think about a contract between two parties. A 50-50 sharing of responsibilities,or the like.

Confused?

A little confused? Well, let me explain!

Do you have children? Good! Do you love them?

“What a question!” you exclaim, “Gee, how I love them!”

“Don’t you know the sacrifices we made for them? From the moment they came into this world, when they depended on us for their very survival, my spouse and I gave them our all. Just as much as a
whimper from them in the middle of the night, and we were there to attend to their needs. Even now, they may disappoint us, anger us or hurt us, but we continue to cater to their every whim…Do you
need any greater proof that we love them!”

So…is that why you’ve done so much for them - because you love them so much?

Wrong way round

Could be. But even more, I’d say it’s the other way round: You love them so intensely BECAUSE you’ve done so much for them!

This is nothing more or less than human nature, and I think there’s a great lesson for us here. We need to think about this very carefully.

Sometimes, when two people begin to think about marrying each other, they think in terms of some business arrangement. Whether they verbally express it that way or not, their minds work something
along these lines:

“You have needs and I have needs. Maybe, if I satisfy yours, you will satisfy mine. You wash the dishes and I’ll pay the rent. Sundays to Tuesdays I’ll take out the garbage, and for the remainder
of the week you will. Other duties will be divided by mutual consent. For every suit I buy, you can buy two pairs of shoes…”

If this is the marriage you want, good luck to you! It’s a free world. But will you be happy? I mean, really happy? I wonder.

Many people will tell you that for a happy marriage, you need what they describe as “give-and-take”.

Give and take? Nonsense! Forget about it!

What you need is “give and give.” And give again. And again.

That’s the royal road to happiness.

Azriel Winnett is the creator of Hodu.com - Your Communication Skills Portal. This popular website helps you improve your communication and relationship skills in your business or professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene.

Many of us realize that marriage is not the easiest relationship
in the world, but why is it so hard? Unless we adopt children,
the only relatives that we get to choose are our spouses. Seems
like it should work out, right? We can not change our parents or
choose new siblings, but marriage– ahh that’s a whole different
thing.

Marriage brings out the best and the worst in a person’s
character and shows us what we are capable of doing, both
positive and negative. This special relationship challenges our
mental, spiritual, social, and physical selves. Unfortunately,
the natural human reaction to hard or stressful situations is
fight or flight.

So after a few major disagreements with a spouse, frustrated
partners second guess their initial decision to wed. The wheels
start turning, and the flight response to the stressful
situation becomes more and more attractive.

But what can you do if the fires of passion have burned out and
only angry ones remain? How can you keep your soul connection
with your spouse even during times of conflict?

1. Have confidence in the decision that you have made. Then
realize that just like you wouldn’t normally divorce your mom or
dad when they get on your last nerve, divorcing your spouse
shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind when he/she
annoys or disappoints you you repeatedly. I know it’s hard, but
it’s a key factor in the success of your marriage.

2. If God is not at the center of your relationship, consider
welcoming Him into the situation. To start, only one spouse
needs to make this decision, but it’s best if both of you are on
the same page. Praying together, and as individuals, can provide
a solid foundation for your marriage and give you greater
insight into what concerns your partner the most.

You can start with your own words or with a few books on prayer.
A book that has been helpful for me, and numerous people I know,
has been, Stormie Omartian: Power of a Praying Wife. The book
covers everything from finances and career to sexuality,
affection and emotions. It shows wives how to pray for their
husbands even if they feel like they don’t have the words. And
it gives excellent advice for channeling frustration, hurt or
anger into productive energy.

If you are a husband, try Power of a Praying Husband. Stormie
enlists the help of her husband and other men for insight and
wisdom in writing this book.

3. Make mutual respect a priority in your communication. If you
find yourselves attacking each other personally, instead of
discussing the pros and cons of a particular decision or action,
then take a step back to reevaluate the situation. Choose words
that reaffirm while getting your point across. For example,
instead of saying: “I hate it when you don’t make time to be
with me… the kids… etc.” TRY “Remember when we did XYZ? That
was so much fun and the kids loved it too. Want to do it again?”
SPOUSE’S REPLY HERE “Great! What date works for you?”

Additionally, don’t let other family members–kids, in-laws,
steps, exes cloud your communication with each other. When they
want to butt in, *respectfully* tell them to butt out. Then
re-prioritize and refocus your attention on each other.

4. Listen even if you feel like you’ve heard the same statement
hashed over and over again. Sometimes venting is necessary, and
if your spouse can’t release his/her mental baggage with you, to
whom will they voice their concerns? The lack of listening
skills in marriage is one reason emotional infidelity gets
started in the first place. If you take the time to listen now,
you can avoid the headaches and heartaches associated with these
extramarital relationships.

5. Start a ritual just for the two of you. Ideally, you’ll both
take time out to do it every day or a few times a week. Engaging
in ritual behavior, like sharing coffee, watching funny movies
together or taking walks, gives you something to look forward to
and can help you build intimacy.

6. Consider an organized marriage retreat. Retreats are great
because, the facilitators give couples helpful tools for
communicating, relating and often mating. You’ll see other
couples who are going through the same challenges, and you’ll
have time to focus solely on your relationship. No work, no
kids/in-laws, no well-meaning friends, and no focusing on the
ills of life.

7. Finally, make a point to get away every once in a while. This
idea dovetails from the previous suggestion, but this time you
and your honey will be alone. Whether you get your kids out of
the house for a weekend or you book a seven day vacation to the
Bahamas, it is necessary for you and your husband or wife to
have extended alone time without any distractions.

These are just a few suggestions to help you renew the soul
connection with your spouse. When HREF=http://married4good.com/ rel="nofollow">http://married4good.com/
officially launches in November, we’ll have tons of articles and
resources on the site to help you build a solid relationship.
Make sure to visit us and get additional ideas for strengthening
your marriage.

My parents gave me this advice about marriage. They have been married since the 1960s and are still happily married to each other.

In marriage, when an argument is about to blow up, remember that takes 2 hands to clap. When one party is angry, the other should be understanding and not argue back. The calmer party should try to listen the cry, the hurt behind the upset.

Marriage is a life long journey together. Not simply a boat you get on together and get off when it does not work out.

Look at the old couples who are still together after so many decades. Their love has matured from a passionate lust to a deep, lasting love. How did they do it?

As you go through life together, you are bound to irritate one another. Nothing is so smooth as the movies might want you to believe. Little things that never bothered you initially might start getting on your nerves. That is normal. Your spouse is not perfect. Neither are you.

Marriage is about love. Love is about acceptance. Forgiveness. A love that is deeper than a rush of passionate lust. Tolerance. Of adapting to one another.

All humans are tempted. Temptation is everywhere. Succumbing to temptation and having an affair could mean the end of a marriage, or at very least endangering it greatly. Always remember your spouse. Consciously stay faithful to protect your marriage.

While preparing for your wedding, keep in mind that this is just the first step in your future lives of love together.

The Author is the webmaster of http://www.wedding-ideas.net - a site that helps you prepare for your wedding.

Receiving a Presidential Wedding Greeting is easier to obtain than you think. The White House Greetings Office will honor citizens with a special Presidential Wedding Greeting.

All greeting requests must be submitted in writing. Brides and grooms can either mail or fax their request to the White House Greetings Office. Faxed requests should include the same information as a mailed request as well as the name and phone number of the sender.

If you decided to mail your request, you’ll need to send your request to:

The White House, Room 39
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington DC 20502

If you would like to fax your request, you need to fax it to 202-395-1232.

Your request for the Wedding Greeting should include the following information:

couple’s names
titles such as Mr. and Mrs.
couple’s complete mailing address, including zip code
full date of marriage, month, day, year

Your request should be submitted about four weeks prior to your wedding day.

For more information regarding Presidential greetings, please call the National Contact Center toll-free at 1-800-FED-INFO or visit the http://www.whitehouse.gov/greeting/

Please review these guidelines carefully before sending your request to the White House.

1. U.S. CITIZENS ONLY. The White House will send greetings to United States citizens only, for special occasions as outlined below.

2. ADVANCE NOTICE REQUIRED. Your request must be received six (6) weeks in advance of the event date. We make every effort to honor every request, but we cannot guarantee a greeting if this guideline is not met. (Greetings are generally not sent after the event date, except for wedding congratulations and newborn acknowledgments.)

3. ANNIVERSARY GREETINGS. Anniversary greetings are extended only to those couples who are celebrating their 50th (and subsequent) wedding anniversary.

4. BIRTHDAY GREETINGS. Birthday greetings will be sent only to individuals 80 years of age and above.

5. OTHER GREETINGS. A limited number of special occasions other than birthdays and anniversaries exist for which the Greetings Office will send appropriate recognition to United States citizens. These occasions include important events such as:

a. Wedding (send your request after the event)
b. Baby’s Birth (must be born during the George W. Bush Administration; send request only after baby’s birth)
c. Eagle Scout Award
d. Girl Scout Gold Award
e. Bar/Bat Mitzvah or equivalent occasion

6. REQUIRED INFORMATION. Please include the following in your request:

a. name and home address of honoree(s)
b. form of address (Mr., Ms., Mrs., Dr., Miss, etc.)
c. exact date of occasion (month, day, year)
d. age (birthdays) or number of years of marriage
e. your (the requestor’s) name and daytime phone number
f. Wedding (Include couple’s married names and current or new address)
g. Baby’s Birth (Include baby’s date of birth and full names and address of baby and parents)

7. WHEN TO EXPECT YOUR GREETING. In most cases, greetings will be mailed from the White House approximately ten (10) days prior to the event.

George Meszaros www.sweet-reflections.com

Pearls an accessory of fine elegance if exquisitely decorated onto Wedding Cakes but the best accessory you can have at the side of any wedding cake (is a knife) ask any one with a sweet tooth waiting for a slice of the action.

Would you believe that in the past years Wedding Cakes were actually crumbled up and thrown over the bride? Unfortunately in them times there was no need to impress the guest with the flavour because they never got to taste it - so the mind boggles as to why all the time and effort was put into the baking when they could have just thrown the mix over them and be done with. Wedding ceremonies today still hold with tradition in many ways but when it comes to the bakers confection you will be happy to know that today the cake is eaten.

If you have your heart set on having the perfect Wedding Cake then perfect it will be if careful planning is in order. If you can bake then it would be worth considering baking your own homemade wedding cake which you will find is a very cost effective way in saving the pennies if you are on a tight budget. If your culinary skills are not up to scratch - then do not fret there are bakeries which specialize in their offerings in the way of excellent service. Special occasion requirements will be met if using a reputable online wedding site.

Once you have decided on the ingredients that is to be used for the cake go and talk with the baker you have reserved to do the honours. Be specific with what design you would like. How many tiers - cost and fillings should be detailed out. There are many fillings to tempt the taste buds so you could have a problem making your selection. We have chocolate - vanilla - strawberry - fresh fruits - and more but at the end of the day this is your wedding so you get to choose what goes down well with a glass of champagne.

Instructions for the Classic White cake are simple to follow so why not have a dummy run in baking one - remember not to pile on the pounds when sampling. Wedding Cakes can be of any style or flavour.

Half a dozen cups (6) of sifted cake flour - Baking powder 2 Tablespoon - 1 to 1/2 cups margarine or butter - 3 cups milk - 2 cups sugar - 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract - 12 egg whites

Always preheat the oven beforehand - the temperature for this baking session 325F. Be sure to grease the bottom of the container (pans) then line with grease proof or parchment paper. Use a sieve to sift the baking powder and flour together ensuring no lumps - then leave to one side. Take other ingredients - butter and sugar - cream both together to a light fluffy texture. Whisk or beat the egg whites until stiff, egg whites still need to be moist not dry.

When using the blender keep on a slow speed. Add the sifted flour mixture to the butter cream, alternately with milk. Whisk in the teaspoon of vanilla extract. Lightly fold the egg whites into batter. Add this to your ready prepared pans. Test the baked result by inserting a toothpick into the middle and if it comes out clean then it is ready. If this all seems a little daunting a ready made sponge cake mix will do the trick

Personalizing Wedding Cakes with frosted icing and piped cream may need a steady hand so heaven forbid if you had too much to drink the night before - do not chance it. Fancy designs like ribbons and rose buds are all fabulous ways to ornate a wedding cake with a piping tube.

Simplified instructions can be obtained from a good recipe book on how to decorate Wedding Cakes. Decorations come in wide assortments- you can opt for fresh flowers complimentary to the wedding bouquet. Porcelain ornamentation of his and her cake toppers - these miniature figures can be specially designed to your own personal preference.

Don`t forget the knife.

A site that comes highly reccomended by past present and future brides for wedding essentials is http://www.party-organizing.com
Need to shape up for the special day http://www.want2yoga.com

Couples should never hesitate when deciding to start a gift registry. Do you really need two toasters and a popcorn machine that you’ll never use? A gift registry is the perfect way of telling your guests exactly what it is that you’d both love to receive as a wedding gift. Sometimes couples that are starting from scratch need certain things. It’s better to receive things that you’ll need and use, rather than receiving a dust-collector. Right?

Starting a wedding gift registry is actually quite simple. First, you both need to select a department store. Just a note: If you’re registering at a high-end department store, make sure that you select several gifts that are affordable to a loved one that may not have a large budget.

Call the department store that you’ve selected to schedule an appointment. You’ll also wish to reserve a hand-held scanner to scan your items for their prices. Caution: Avoid the weekends at all costs. Pick a day like Monday or Wednesday evening to perform this duty. It’s less crowded and the staff will be available to help you with any queries you may have.

When you get to Kitchenware, go nuts with small gadgets and utensils. This is very considerate to your guests who may not be in the present financial status to spend $300 on a gas BBQ grill for you. Even though these small items add up, you’ll have more in your kitchen as a result. Additional small items to shop around for: picture frames, barware, wall-art, window coverings, decorative rugs, linens, and lamps. Remember, don’t go for the most expensive because you’re not the one buying it. Look at these things as if YOU were the one purchasing it. Do you feel it’s worth the money? Is it something that you’d love to see in your home? If you’ve both answered ‘yes,’ add it to the registry.

Also, don’t get caught up in the excitement of small appliances. If you add a microwave to your list, do you need a toaster oven? It’s all about priorities. Needs versus wants. It’s important that you keep that in mind throughout your tour in the department store. Most importantly, if you find yourselves disagreeing whether you need something or not-walk away from the item. Discuss it later, you can always add it to the list the next day, if it’s THAT important. Whatever it is, it’s definitely not worth fighting over!

Jen Carter is owner of My Wedding Blog, a free wedding planning guide about weddings. This article can be found in our wedding favors and gifts section. You may publish our articles on your website only if you do not edit the article in any way, and include all html as direct links to our site.

The Old and New testaments provided early church leaders with
conflicting views regarding marriage. Biblical writings had
clearly indicated men and women relationships outside the
confines of marriage, multiple partner marriages, and the use of
concubines.

The Bible was also rampant with stories of lust as in the story
of David and Bathsheba. St Augustine defended this by writing
that God said it pleased him that certain individuals amongst
the Patriarchs of the Bible have many wives, specifically for
the multiplication of their offspring. He further suggested that
the only reason women would need more than one husband would be
for lustful gratification.

To give the old guy his due, he also is credited with saying,
“Let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as
himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
Augustine considered marriage a sacrament, a permanent union of
faith.

Now that marriage was declared a sacrament, the church leaders
thusly made a declaration that men and women should pursue
marriage with only one partner. They added that sexual relations
with the confines of a marriage should be for procreation and
not for lust alone. Once marriage had become a sacrament, it
soon followed that the church needed legislative power over
marriage and that a priest should perform a nuptial blessing.

Something as important as deciding on a marriage partner was not
left in the hands of the bride and groom, for the bride and
groom were usually children. Parents arranged marriages in the
Middle Ages when their children were still very young. If love
was involved at all, it came well after the wedding had taken
place. Girls were as young as twelve and boys as young as 17.
The arrangements were not considered complete until a wedding
notice was posted on the door of the church.

Marriages continued to be arranged during the Renaissance. Boys
could marry at age 14 and girls at 12, with their parent’s
permission. The families from the groom and brides side would
come together and work out the dowry.

In the middle ages, marriages were arranged to improve the
socioeconomic status of the parties involved. The brides family
provided a dowry to the boy she would marry. The dowry could be
quite substantial, including cash, lands, or other valuable
assets. Her future husband would have complete control over the
dowry forever. In

Italian marriages during the Renaissance, the dowry was the most
important part of the pre-marriage ritual, but in Florence
besides gifts from the bride’s family there were counter-gifts
from her husband and his family. The ritual would go back and
forth, giving gifts to those who gave gifts in response to
previous gifts. The expense was so great that some men gave up
on marriage or married at a much later time in their life when
they could afford the expense.

Unlike the Medieval times, the Renaissance dowry remained with
the bride her entire life. If she was widowed, she could return
to her family with her dowry, but she would have to leave her
children with her husband’s family.

In England, a marriage contract included provision both for the
bride’s dowry and for a jointure, or settlement, in cash and
property by the husband’s family, that guaranteed her welfare
should her husband die first.

For the most part the church was involved in the ceremonies that
took place. The Council of Westminster had decreed in 1076 that
no man should give his daughter or female relative to anyone
without priestly blessing.

Weddings during the middle ages were considered family and
community affairs. It was important that both parties consented
to the marriage; this could be substituted with the consent of
the parents. The ceremony was performed in church. Vows were
exchanged outside the church before everyone moved inside for
mass. There was a procession both from and to the bride’s home.

It was a custom in the Medieval time that if the groom was not
from the area he would buy a round of drinks for the local young
men to make amends for removing a local girl from the marriage
market. Guests would often bring cakes from home that would be
stacked on top of each other. The newly weds would have to try
to kiss over the cakes without toppling them. This is the origin
of the modern multi-tiered wedding cake.

Formal consummation may or may not have taken place after the
ceremony it depending upon the age of the bride. After the
ceremony she may have retired with her parents to their home
until she became of age.

The Renaissance wedding was also performed in a church. Prior to
the wedding it had to be announced in the church on three
consecutive Sundays. This allowed time for any objections to be
raised before the wedding could take place. The ceremony was
probably performed before noon for luck, and included a
procession from the bride’s home to the church accompanied with
as much noise and revelry as in the medieval wedding ceremony.

Medieval wives were expected to produce male children, and
submit to their husband’s authority. They would be instructed
from an early age that their gender was weak and sinful and
deceitful due to the first sin by Eve against Adam. The Medieval
wife was kept a recluse in her own home. The only choice for
women other than marriage was life in a nunnery.

Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper, Thy head, thy
sovereign; one that cares for thee, And for thy maintenance
commits his body To painful labour both by sea and land, To
watch the night in storms, the day in cold, Whilst thou liest
warm at home, secure and safe; And craves no other tribute at
thy hands But love, fair looks and true obedience; Too little
payment for so great a debt. (Shakespeare, The Taming of the
Shrew 5.2.145-53)

In Renaissance England married women held no political power.
Married women could not own property or make contracts; they
were completely subjected to the economic and physical power of
their husbands. Renaissance women were told to keep quiet, not
discuss political matters and to go about their duties in their
husband’s households. The submission of the wife was considered
an important part of maintaining household order and therefore
order in the Commonwealth. Disobedient wives were labeled shrews
and could be subject to public punishment devised to humiliate
her.

Within his Canterbury Tales, Chaucer writes of the Wife of the
Bath’s Prologue. She had met a good Samaritan while she was in
the company of a man after just burying her fifth husband. The
Good Samaritan questions her on having five husbands and being
in the company of a man not yet her husband. She answers him
stating she had first married at twelve years old and now after
five husbands does not mean to be “chaste at all costs”. Chaucer
ends the tale with a humorous excerpt from her… And now to all
us women may Christ send Submissive husbands full of youth in
bed, And grace to outlive all the men we wed. And I pray Jesus
to cut short the lives Of those who won’t be governed by their
wives; And old ill tempered niggards who hate expense, God
promptly bring them down with pestilence!

In the Medieval time if a woman was widowed and there was no
children the women would inherit her husband’s entire estate. In
this case Chaucer’s character in the Wife of the Bath’s Prologue
would have been a rich woman indeed.

Whereas Renaissance widows retained at least 1/3 of their
husband’s estates whether there were children or not. Her heirs
might not be able to marry until her death because the estate
was tied up. If there were no children, the wife would inherit
the entire estate, just as in medieval times.

In conclusion there does not appear to be great differences in
the state of marriage between the middle ages and the
Renaissance periods. A look closer can find some similarities
between these earlier eras and the marriage practices of today.
Couples no longer have to get their parents permission, or
provide a dowry. However, the announcement of the future
ceremony is done in the local paper rather than the church
doors. Most ceremonies are done in a religious setting in the
presence of clergy. There is still a ’stacked’ wedding cake and
the Grooms ritual of buying drinks for the boys.

Fortunately for women the institution of marriage itself has
changed a great deal since the middle ages and the Renaissance.
Although there is no guarantee of equality in marriages of
today, things are a lot better than they were.

Copyright Reserved by Cyd Klein Enterprises

When people learn I’ve been married over thirty years they often pause and turn to look me up and down as though I am a chipped statue from the last century. They either congratulate me like I’ve lived through a bout of bird flu or look at me with pity as though I’ve been living in a bubble. I’m accustomed to but don’t like either response. Life has a relentless ability to twist, hammer, pound, pamper, surprise, teach, lecture all humans and I believe being married is a twist to the plot that adds certain story lines but doesn’t coddle, protect, save or destroy any more or less than being single.

Still, being married thirty years means I’ve lived a while and at a certain point most people begin to do a little backward glancing to say, “Wow, have I learned anything?” To be bluntly truthful, when I first asked myself this question absolutely nothing rushed in for me to congratulate myself for accomplishing. It took a while before I willingly claimed the homely children who often are too blunt and cruel but I see their value and I no longer want to live without them. My five children are:

1. The person I married is not the one I got. He started changing the morning after the wedding. He kept changing through becoming a father, buying a house, his career and he’s not stopping. Some things seemed to have stabilized from young man to real man, but life (and me) continues to pound and reshape him.

2. I carefully pick my fights. That comes from two angles. I no longer avoid an issue to ‘keep the peace’ as my grandmother taught me and I no longer ‘confront the jerk’ like so many others suggest. Instead I think, consider, weigh the importance and do a little training before getting in the ring or I don’t get in the ring at all.

3. Kindness counts. It counts as courtesy to strangers as I drive and my physical safety is within their power and it counts with a man whose anger and hurt buttons I have down to an art as finely tuned and elegant as Russian egg painting.

4. I’m a separate person. I had the little girl belief that the cleaving of marriage would tie us in mind, spirit, body and what we wanted to do next weekend. Not a one turned out true and in the end I’m pleased it’s so.

5. Sometimes time heals wounds. Since I’m a writer I feel capable of messing up anyone’s perfect writing with my opinions. Perhaps it is a continuing flaw of mine that can only reduce old wounds to still present scar tissue. It is slight, sometimes totally unnoticeable but it is also a gentle reminder of what I learned. Scar tissue is my respected teacher reminding me of strength, resolve, continuing forgiveness in small degrees and self-knowledge.

I have a good marriage. It amply supplies me with love and happiness. He is a good and true man who has had the graciousness to stay with me. But a long lived marriage is not a monastery or moral virtue only because time has passed. It is simply a way of walking down the path of life. Sometimes holding hands and sometimes very alonejust like everyone else.

Article © Rebecca Guevara 2005. She is a freelance writer whose first novel, The Trading of Ken, has just been published and can be seen at http://www.rebeccaguevara.com. She is also a community activist and speaker. She can be reached at rebeccaguevara@comcast.net.