On the outset all observations may seem to be objective, but in reality subjectivity tends to shape the objective observations. The observations can be categorized into three for better understanding Objective, Subjective, medley of subjective/objective observations.

Any observation that requires objective proof falls under the objective category. Ex: the observations of scientific laws. Majority of the scientific observations such as the “Brownian Motion” etc. are Objective in nature. But it is very much possible for the observer to incorporate his expectations and desires unconsciously. Given the nature of human being, it will be unfair to blame those observers. In the field of science, Objective observations are very much dominant. There is nothing called subjective observations, it is actually baseless to be purely subjective.

A medley of subjectivity over objectivity is the norm of the world. This is something that happens in our day to day life. Most part of our day we observe and make choices. Our observations differ with someone elses. Why? It is because ‘People see the world with their beliefs and values’, each ones perception of the world differs, adding subjectivity to the observation. Let us see an anecdote to emphasize that subjectivity prevails.

Two marketing guys from two different shoe sales company were asked to visit a under developed country. To study the market scenario and plan whether it makes sense for the company to open a branch there. The two guys visited the country and came back with their findings. The first guy said ‘These people do not even wear slippers, there is no market here. It is not advisable to branch out here’. The second guy was with full vigor his report stated ‘These people do not wear slippers, there is a huge market’.

This explains the power of Subjectivity.

The worldly trend is to be objective but unconsciously we tend to be subjective, it is high time we recognize that!

-Ramesh-

Are you a truly traditional kind of person of is the modern style more your thing? This is something to ask yourself when shopping for your office chair. With all of the options out there, it is easy to find something to suit your tastes perfectly. Most people know that your office environment and workspace are a direct reflection on yourself as a worker or employer and each touch is important. Your office chair can really make a statement, and it should.

Leather would be the most popular choice of upholstery with the most offerings in the executive line. The high end executive models offer top grain leather in a variety of colors and styles. When purchasing an office chair, the grades of leather can differ greatly. You need to make sure to pay according to the grade of leather ordered and the types of options featured on your chair.

Chairs can come with a variety of features for proper ergonomics and adjustability. Some features can be necessary for proper positioning for a larger or smaller person. Seat height adjustability and tilt mechanisms are standard even for the average office chair as chair manufacturer’s realize how long users are seated throughout the day in the 21st century.

Tilt locking mechanisms, sychro knee tilt control, arm adjustability and headrests with adjustments are most popular on the more high end office chair. These mechanisms can help the user who spends most of their day seated to achieve the proper posture long term. It is important to remember ergonomics when purchasing an office chair and make sure to pick the right features to make your chair an ergonomic fit to your body type.

Another option to consider is which type of casters you need for your floor type. The standard office chair will ship with casters designed for carpeted floors. However, usually the manufacturer of a custom or more high end office chair will offer hardwood or hard floor surface casters as an option for an additional cost. Some users might also have need for a stationary work chair and need to make sure that the casters will lock in place when necessary.

Whether you are interested in an executive, ergonomic, task, leather, mesh or traditional office chair, you are sure to find that your options seem endless. Once seated and you know you have that perfect chair for you, work is bound to get done quicker and more efficiently.

Ezine Platinum Author: Amy Lieberfarb currently runs two online websites dedicated to Ergonomic Office Chairs and Furniture. Providing information on how to pick the right ergonomic chair and featuring hundreds of different chairs to choose from, the site is very informative.
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Specializing in Office Furniture and Ergonomic Chairs.
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The author also features many other articles with more information on ergonomics and proper positioning as well as purchasing office chairs and furniture online.

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Every employee may have one grievance - an impossible or eccentric boss! They have, somehow, become common factors in grumbling employees’ lives. But dealing with them is a professional necessity and it is essential to understand that although they have a common thread joining them together, there are different specialty traits to their eccentric natures.

There are as many types of human characters as there are people and bosses are no exception. Below are some techniques and strategies to deal with them so that your employment is not in danger:

Dealing with Eccentric Bosses

While dealing with bosses it is better that you know that some of the eccentric traits may have brought him to where he is now.

1. The Shouting Boss: The psychology of shouting bosses is that they can get the things done only by shouting. They don’t mind shouting at anyone, anywhere. Although shouting is a sign of impatience, it is also because they want to be recognized on the spot. Satisfying their ego by listening to them calms them down. Further, executing their instructions will get them your respect.

2. The Scheming Boss: He is the most dangerous of them all, always plotting to fire one person or the other. They are highly manipulative while being extremely intelligent, highly motivated and focused. His way to the top is through firing workers which he says is benefiting the company; in reality he is worried about protecting himself and his position. Being honest and acting with extreme care is the best policy when dealing with this type of boss.

3. The Just-A-Minute Boss: He is an impatient man but not rude. He wants everything to be done on the fly. He has many things in his head while talking to you and so may be unable to grasp anything you said. The next day he may surprise you with a ‘you-didn’t-tell-me-this’. These types hardly complete any tasks, so be prepared for big workloads at anytime. Keeping evidence of your communications (possibly through emails), or completing the communication/task on the spot is better.

4. The Bumbling Boss: This junk head is trying to hide his inadequacies behind big talk and other diversions. Although he is rather harmless, he is neither a good leader nor an inspiring one. Just because he has reached a higher position above you, he might also get a sense of false prestige. Occasionally showing his mistakes in disguise of guarding him and guiding him is your best bet.

5. The Fear Monger: The attrition rate of this boss is high because of the fear and psychosis he creates. No one wants to continue working with him; often he fires them himself before they can quit, because he thinks fear is the only way to motivate employees to work. Changing your job, and fast, is the way to deal with him.

These are just a few of the dominant personality traits that you may find during your career. You need to be aware of them in order to preserve both your job and your sanity!

UNDERSTANDING DEPRESSION

Depression :caused by an imbalance of brain chemicals, along with other factors. Like any serious medical condition, depression needs to be treated. The fact is that any one can get dression.

How depression affect the brain:

Many things can trigger debilitating depression. Feelings of depression are caused by a chemical change that affects how the brain functions.

A normally functioning brain is a giant messaging system that controls everything from your heartbeat, to walking, to your emotions. The brain is made up of billions of nerve cells called neurons. These neurons send and receive messages from the rest of your body, using brain chemicals called neurotransmitters.

These brain chemicalsin varying amountsare responsible for our emotional state. Depression happens when these chemical messages aren’t delivered correctly between brain cells, disrupting communication.

The good news is that there are many forms of treatment that can help you cope with depression, including medications that can strengthen weak signals by raising the levels of certain neurotransmitters, or by improving the neurons’ ability to process signals. This ensures that the brain’s vital messages are deliveredloud and clear.

Treating Depression:

medication and psychotherapy, or “talk therapy”, the standard treatments for depression.

Antidepressant Medications:

Depression is not a normal part of life, regardless of your age, sex, or health status.The good news is that depression is very treatable. Most patients, even those with severe depression, show improvement after they seek treatment. Your doctor will prescribe treatment based on the pattern of your depression, its severity, persistence of symptoms, and history.Most effective antidepressant medications are WELLBUTRIN XL ® and PAXIL CR .

If your doctor prescribes antidepressant therapy, give it time. It may take four weeks or more before you notice a change in your mood, and possibly longer before you feel the full benefits of medication.Your doctor will decide how long you need to stay on antidepressants. Following your doctor’s directions is critical to your treatment success.

Psychotherapy:

Psychotherapy, or “talk therapy”, is one of the most effective ways to treat depression. Studies have proven that talking to an expert about your condition can help resolve it. While the results are not immediate, you may find that just expressing what you’re feeling can bring some relief.Short-term therapy has become more common and may occur over a period of 10 to 20 weeks.

Types of Psycho therapy:

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): can help you identify and change the thought and behavior patterns that contribute to depression. People who are depressed tend to think negatively, and cognitive behavioral therapy teaches you how to identify and challenge the negative thoughts. This approach is usually done in short-term therapy, and has been found to be particularly helpful for depression.

Interpersonal therapy: looks at how depression can be connected to troubled emotional relationships. Like cognitive-behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy tends to be a short-term therapy, and has been proven to work well with depression.

Psychodynamic therapy: links depression to traumas and conflicts that happened earlier in your life, especially during childhood. It can be a short-term treatment, although it is often a longer process.

Group therapy: allows you and other people with depressionor people with the same issues that contributed to your depressionto meet together with a therapist and share experiences. The approach of the group may be any of the ones listed above.

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The ultimate power of positive thinking is a cherished dream for
many people around the world. Positive thinking means that you
are allowing only those good thoughts into your mind, and such
thoughts may include words, images and perceptions, which are
suitable for personal growth and prosperity. Positive thinking
also allows you to think everything good about life and its
results. If you have a positive thinking mind, you’ll always
anticipate happy life, peace, laughter, good health and
financial success. It also means that you can unleash your mind
to find whatever you want for your life. Positive thinking is so
powerful!

Positive thinking is always beneficial to us; when our attitude
and behavior is positive, we allow only pleasant feelings and
constructive images to work in our mind, and also visualize in
our inner eye, what we really want from our life and how it
should happen. Such an attitude brings only good things like an
enhanced inner energy level, catchy manners, twinkling eyes and
success. A person with positive thought will walk and talk in an
upright manner without any hesitation. The ultimate body
language shows a tremendous capacity to achieve all things,
which are considered impossible in the normal course of life.

Positive thoughts and positive people can not be avoided in
manner, as in real life, they are highly contagious and
infectious. Positive thinking people are just like magnets,
capable enough to attract other people to follow them and act
like them. This is often so true when you stay with highly
positive people for a month or two, and study their impeccable
positive behavior. This is known to occur almost unknowingly in
our subconscious mind, almost on a continuous mode.

To create a turnaround to guide our mind towards positive
thinking, we need makeshift work to change the way we think and
act. Your old habits may never die and it is often very tough to
get rid of your past baggage. Changing your old habits is also
painful as you need to come out of your negative past and change
the previous rules. Visualization may help you develop positive
thinking process, and always visualize only beneficial
situations. Talk positive and develop positive manners. Another
improvised method to develop positive thinking is the recitation
of positive affirmations and self talk. This method can be used
in conjunction with the visualization process, just to
supplement the overall result.

Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton asked why.

Bernard Baruch

We’ve all had the experience of sitting in a staff meeting
discussing some important issue to be solved or challenge to be
overcome. Everyone is throwing out there thoughts and suggestions with
one idea being trumped or dismissed by the next.

Then there is that moment of silence. One person interjects the most reasoned position.

Somehow while others were entrenched in the verbal exchange this
team member found a simple and concise way of bringing all the
information together. The comment leads to responses of, “exactly,”
“that’s what I was trying to say,” “you hit the nail right on the head.”

Thirty-minutes of non-progressive discussion has just been moved 60 yards downfield.

If you weren’t the genius proffering the great suggestion that got
everyone’s notice, you’re probably sitting there thinking to yourself,
“Why didn’t I think of that?” If it wasn’t your question that changed
the course of the discussion you may ask yourself, “why didn’t I say
that?” Watching everyone rally around this new central idea you think,
“That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to say!”

How does this happen? How do intelligent, experienced, articulate
people get so side tracked when discussing issues and how to address a
situation? How do we spend hours in meetings only to leave with no
clear resolutions that require more meetings for clarification?

The knowledge and ability to solve whatever problem you’re facing is
sitting around the table. The challenge is learning to access it in a
way that leads to collaborative problem solving.

In my many years of training, coaching and consulting, I have
learned that people come to the table with two mental maps to problem
solving. The first is most oriented to seeing the problem as it IS
today. They start with today and look backward for the answers. They
keep us honest by reminding us of where we’ve been and the rules that
should be followed. Their focus is WHY we are we in the situation we’re
in?

I call this group PROsiders. Problem oriented
problem solvers lean toward getting results by avoiding past mistakes.
This group is great at accurately reflecting the “pain” of the
situationwhat’s wrong, when it went wrong, how long it’s been wrong.
In discussions they focus on why the goals can not be met and sound a little like this in meetings,

“We are receiving too many customer complaints about service”

“People want us to solve their problem rather than find the information on the website or the resource material we provided.”

“We could get more accomplished but we’ve lost 20% of our staff.”

“The goals are simply unreasonable working 24 hours a day we couldn’t get this done.”

On the other side of the table are the forward-looking idea makers. This group of SOsiders (solution oriented problem solvers) is sure they know exactly where the organization should
be heading and exactly the tools, technique, or strategy that will get
you there. They’re belief is that sometimes you have to jump in and do
something. They get results by being decisive, picking a path and
making it happen. If you don’t have what’s needed, they have a plan for
creating something new. Less constrained by the rules or limitations of
the past, they are always ready to move forward. They focus on what can be done.

You know this group in meetings because they continually tell you how to solve the problem.

“All we need is to have each manager lend two people to the project.”

“We need to establish a goal of answering every service call within 12 hours.”

“Let’s get someone in here to train these people and get them up to speed.”

“We could improve the user interface and make accessing the information more straight forward.”

This is how most of our meetings go. The problem-side analyzers
constantly tell us why we can’t move ahead and the solution-side
problem solvers are sure that they have discovered the Holy Grail.
Round and round we go while the clock keeps ticking. My experience has
taught me; however that both of these positions are absolutely
necessary, equally relevant and also equally flawed. Both perspectives
are based on narrowly tailored belief systems and personal work and
life experiences.

PROsiders are mired in today and can’t see past the
current situation. This groups needs to accept that no situation is
either as harsh or as fair as we’d like to believe. What has happened
or is happening is important but only to the degree that provides
information about how to move ahead.

In contrast, SOsiders are so focused on the future
that the realities of the day are overlooked. This group has to learn
that everything might be possible but may also be too costly or there
are far too many constraints to make it probable. Each view is
predicated on one’s own limited set of work and life experiences.

When people get entrenched in their position and decide on a course
of action without first looking at the problem from all angles, the
goal and intent of the discussion gets lost in the translation.
PROsiders and SOsiders may be speaking same language but with different
dialects. One keeps explaining shy things are they way they are and the
other keeps throwing out suggestions that can’t be paid for or
implemented.

And if you think the source of the problem is the people at the
tableyou’re right. Because PRO and SOsiders are so rooted in and
heavily invested in their own view of the issue, the only way to slow
them down and have any chance of getting everyone focused is to ask
questions for which neither has a prepared or definitive answer.
Putting these two views together completes one whole picture and
provides invaluable insight needed for collaborative problem solving.
Working collaboratively to solve problems means building a bridge from
where we are to where we need to be.

Every meetingevery business problemcould use some expert bridge
builders. These people do more than interpret the language of PRO and
SOsiders; they bridge the gap between them, get people focused on the
goal. The more troubled the waters, the more bridge building that’s
needed.

How do you learn to build the bridges to better problem solving?

You resist the temptation to jump into the fray. You clear your mind
of reactionary assumptions and knee jerk responses. Before you say one
word, ask yourself “Why?”

Why is this issue worth the time we are spending on it? If I’m right and the answer is so obvious why is there disagreement?

Only when we are challenged to think beyond our established
viewpoint can we begin to see the path that we should be on. In this
case neither is prepared with a response and both are forced to
actually listen to the answers and then discuss the situation.

Questions are a great way to narrow the gap between the two
positions. Questions will force these seemingly polar group members
closer together in a search for an answer. Posing a good question means
crafting it in such a way that the answer could not previously have
been known and can not be accessed without a different way of thinking.

How do we respond to each call in 12 hours considering that we have lost 20% of our staff?”

“If we each lend two people to the project what do we hope to accomplish?

“What is the fastest and most effective way to resolve the cause of the complaints so customers would not need to call?”

To these questions there is generally a brief silence in the room quickly followed by,

“I’m not sure.”

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know.”

“I hadn’t really thought about it that way.”

That slight pause and momentary suspension of argument is all that
is needed to begin the process of collaboration and group problem
solving.

Different from the other approaches to problem solving, the results-focused problem solvers or Bridgers
have mental maps that allow them to explore problems from a variety of
angles, value differing perspectives and the greatest number of
options. Rather than saying that something can’t be done they propose
seeking a way to meeting and exceeding expectations.

Those with great problem solving ability typically set themselves apart by focusing more on the goals and outcomes
than they do on the problem or the solution. They come to their
conclusions by examining both the problem and the desired solutions to
find the gap between them. In that gap lies the attainable GOAL. These
bridge builders grow their circle of influence as they get others to
step back and see the big picture. Rather than focus on disparate parts
the focus becomes what success will look like.

Rather than battling for position in meetings good problem solvers
ask more than they tell. They ask the power questions that draw others
in. Their questions go right to the heart of the issue by expanding the
conversation instead of limiting it. Without choosing sides or
suggesting that either group is right or wrong the Bridger can refocus
the discussion with three questions…

• “What are we trying to accomplish?”
• “What will success look like?”
• “Are you up for the challenge?”

The next time your team gets stuck or you find your meeting getting
off track. Somebody has to build a bridgewhy don’t you give it a try.
Rather than responding to the comments already under discussion, ask
the questions above. Watch the reaction. See if it catches their
attention. They may just slow everyone down long enough to get them
thinking about what’s important. It may be all it takes to get the
group to start hearing each other and moving in a forward direction.

Valarie is CEO of Think 6 Results — a knowledge broker passionate about learning and improving performance in organizations. She’s a writer, presenter, and executive coach on a mission to get every employee and organization focused on and thinking about the SIX business driving goals that matter.

We want you to share this article with others. Feel free to copy this article when you include the copyright and contact information listed below.

Contact Valarie at washington@think6results.com or by calling 630-705-1189. Visit us at http://www.Think6Results.com.

It is crucial that interviewing with helpee progress toward solutions. In addition to Exceptions and Miracle questions, Coping and Scaling questions are also useful and effective methods of moving helpees from problem talk to solution talk.

Questioning Interactions:

Coping Questions. Regardless of how problematic a situation may appear, it can always be worse. People do not always recognize or appreciate the constructive behaviors being exhibited during problematic times. When the miracle question and exceptions are unproductive, coping questions is another strategy for moving people from problem talk to solution talk. These questions help to identify and highlight important coping mechanisms already at work but ignored. Using the example above (it is obvious that the mother/daughter situation could be worse if it escalated into physical assaults), coping questions would ask: “What are you and your daughter doing to keep things from getting worse? How are those things helpful? What needs to happen for those things to continue? “How motivated are you to continue those things” or “How hopeful are you that those things will continue?”

Scaling Questions. Usually used when goals are more abstract. Scaling questions asks the helpee to make assessments regarding their hopefulness in problem solutions, self-esteem, confidence, relationships, etc. These questions are useful in concretizing what often are very complex ideas. In using the questions, it is important to specify time limits such as “today,” “tomorrow,” For example, using the same example above, the mother and daughter could be asked, “On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 meaning you have every confidence the problem will be solved and 1 meaning no confidence at all, where would you put yourself today?” Mom may respond, 4 and daughter 2. The question may then be asked, “What would need to happen to move from 4 to 5 (Mom) 2 to 3 (daughter)? What will tell you that you moved up to number 5 (Mom) 3 (daughter)? On the same scale, how much would you say you are willing to work to solve this problem?”

Keep in mind that when using these questions, the helper wants to explore for the helpee’s perception of what will be different when the miracle happens or the problem is solved. Remember also that change is hard work for the helpee - be patient and persistent in asking the interviewing questions.

SIDEBAR HELPS FOR DEALING WITH RESISTANCE:

I don’t know

Some people say “I don’t know” quite frequently. It may be helpful for them if the helper responds: “So, how would your life be different if you did know?” or “How would your life be better if you did know?” “Suppose you did know, what would you say?” (or) “What would you do?” Or, go to significant other questions. For example, “If I were to ask your husband, what do you think he would say?”

If helpee is resistent to miracle questions

Some people will not engage in miracle exploration. In these cases, the helper responds with questions along the lines: “When the problem is solved, what will you be doing differently? How do you know this problem can be solved?”

If helpee is unrealistic

Some individuals make outrageous statements. In these situations, the helper agrees with them by saying: “That would be great! What do you think are the chances of that happening? What tells you that it could happen in your life?”

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. http://www.clergyservices4u.org She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: A Grief Healing Workbook, will be available soon.

Manic depression, also known as bipolar disorder, is classified
as a type of affective disorder or mood disorder that goes
beyond the day’s ordinary ups and downs, becoming a serious
medical condition and important health concern in this country.
Manic depression is characterized by periodic episodes of
extreme elation, elevated mood, or irritability (also called
mania) countered by periodic, classic depressive symptoms.

Who is affected by manic depression? Manic depression affects
more than 2.3 million American adults - or about 1.2 percent of
Americans age 18 and older in a given year. When symptoms are
present before the age of 12, they are often confused with
attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) - a syndrome
that is usually characterized by serious and persistent
difficulties resulting in inattentiveness or distractibility,
impulsivity, and hyperactivity.

Affecting men and women equally (although women are more likely
to experience more depressive and less manic symptoms), manic
depression often begins in adolescence or early adulthood. In
fact, the average age at onset for a first manic episode is
during the early 20s.

Manic depression is likely to run in families and, in some
cases, is believed to be hereditary. Researchers are still
undergoing intense research to identify a gene that may be
responsible for this disorder.

What are the symptoms of manic depression? The following are the
most common symptoms of manic depression. However, each
individual may experience symptoms differently.

Depressive symptoms may include:

persistent sad, anxious, or empty mood loss of interest in
activities once previously enjoyed excessive crying increased
restlessness and irritability decreased ability to concentrate
and make decisions decreased energy thoughts of death or
suicide, or suicide attempts

increased feelings of guilt, helplessness, and/or hopelessness
weight and/or appetite changes due to over- or under-eating
changes in sleep patterns social withdrawal physical symptoms
unrealized by standard treatment (i.e., chronic pain, headaches)
Manic symptoms may include:

overly inflated self-esteem decreased need for rest and sleep
increased distractibility and irritability increased physical
agitation excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that
may result in painful consequence; this may include provocative,
aggressive, or destructive behavior increased talkativeness
excessive “high” or euphoric feelings increased sex drive
increased energy level uncharacteristically poor judgment
increased denial For a diagnosis of manic depression to be made,
an individual must exhibit both depressive and manic symptoms to
a varying degree, depending upon the severity of the disorder.
The symptoms of manic depression may resemble other psychiatric
conditions. Always consult your physician for a diagnosis.

How is manic depression diagnosed? Because depression has shown
to often co-exist with other medical conditions, such as heart
disease, cancer, or diabetes, and other psychiatric disorders,
such as substance abuse, or anxiety disorders, seeking early
diagnosis and treatment is crucial to recovery. A diagnosis is
often made after a careful psychiatric examination and medical
history performed by a psychiatrist or other mental health
professional.

Treatment for manic depression: Specific treatment for manic
depression will be determined by your physician based on:

your age, overall health, and medical history extent of the
disease your tolerance for specific medications, procedures, or
therapies expectations for the course of the disease your
opinion or preference Treatment may include either, or a
combination, of the following:

medication (i.e., mood-stabilizing anticonvulsants such as
lithium, valproate, or carbamazepine, and/or antidepressants
such as Prozac, Zoloft, or Paxil) psychotherapy (most often
cognitive-behavioral and/or interpersonal therapy that is
focused on changing the individual’s distorted views of
themselves and the environment around them, working through
difficult relationships, and identifying stressors in the
environment and how to avoid them)

electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) Recognizing the varied and
extreme mood swings associated with manic depression is crucial
in obtaining effective treatment, and avoiding the potentially
painful consequences of the reckless, manic behavior.

In most cases, long-term, preventive treatment is necessary to
stabilize the mood swings associated with manic depression.

To many folks, the idea of “workplace violence” connotes the physical harm that one may do to another. However, there is another form of workplace violence that is as dangerous and insidious, and this is workplace gossip.

Gossip is any language that would cause another harm, pain, or confusion that is used outside the presence of another for whom it is intended.

As a facilitator, trainer and business coach, I’ve experienced numerous workplace situations where gossip was a norm. Curiously enough, in these same organizations, most folks would say they were “against” it. Even more, in these same situations, after formal meetings to discuss the “gossip issue,” after sensitivity workshops designed to reduce and eliminate pernicious gossip, after mandating “there be no more gossip…” and after pledging to have more honest, open and direct communication (wherein folks verbalized their “commitment” to speak directly to a colleague, in order to eliminate the “gossip problem,”) many of these same committed folks consciously choose to continue to engage in the practice of gossip.

Why?

Gossip is essentially a form of attack, which often arise from an individual’s conscious and unconscious fears. For some people, their ostensible commitment “not to gossip” is easily lost in their fears, anxieties, or concerns about what their life might be like if they stopped gossiping. (e.g., “Who would I be then?” What would I do then?” “How would I be one of the guys…?” “Would I have to eat lunch alone?” “Would I lose all my friends?”) Some broader definitions of gossip not only relate to “negative” remarks, but even extend to “positive” or “neutral” remarks that are focused on making conversation that is centered on the activities/behaviors of others, again, outside the presence of that person.

Stopping the practice of “talking about others” is challenging for many. Why? Many folks just can’t be authentic in life. So, many revert to the self-defense mechanism of gossiping, which is a defense mechanism or self-protection device they use to so they never have to :show up”, or be vulnerable, or disclose information about their feelings or emotions, or “open up”. For these folks, gossiping is a strategy for protecting against revealing one’s real or true self. These folks have walked around for so long wearing masks and assuming false identities, that opening up and revealing who they really, really are is just downright frightening and threatening.

So, one’s inner desire to be authentic and sincere, and not gossip, needs to emerge from a person’s deep sense of integrity, and from a conscious, heart-felt desire to be harmless in the context of their life and in their interactions with others.

Without this profound inner commitment to harmlessness, an injunction to “stop gossiping”, for example, is simply an “outer” induced rule or policy that can often bring up ego-based behaviors in reaction to the “rule.” So, one continues to find “excuses” (since there’s never a “reason”) to gossip.

From this outer perspective toward gossiping, some people may take on the role of being an enforcer of the rule; others may not want to “enforce” the rule because they don’t wish to be perceived as too assertive, too aggressive, too pushy, or too tough when they call others on their gossiping. In addition, others may not want to be identified as a “do-gooder”, “crusader”, or “spiritual” etc.

In addition, there are those folks who want or need to be liked and accepted, and who want or need others to feel comfortable with them, and so they often continue to engage in the gossip when approached. Why? They don’t want to feel like the “odd one out.”

So, at the end of the day (and throughout the day!), the commitment not to gossip often dissipates rather quickly over time.

Or, someone may be “upholding the rule” outwardly, but still be gossiping in their thoughts, still sending out hostile vibrations, and just being “quiet” about it. Often, this covert behavior is even more dangerous and insidious.

Gossip is a fear-based behavior and so one’s need for self-protection (i.e., not “show up” authentically) is often greater than one’s initial commitment “not to gossip.” The self-protection brings a kind of pseudo safety and false sense of well-being that might otherwise be in jeopardy; so one continues to gossip to keep the focus on “someone else, not me.”

For other folks, the issue is not so much that they’re consciously being self-protective; it’s when they DON’T KNOW they are being self-protective that is critical, and thus, many people are unable to take self-responsibility for their behavior. As a result, many folks begin to look outside themselves (blame, find fault, complain, whine…) when they fail to take responsibility for themselves, as they don’t have the awareness to go inside to explore “what’s up.” So, they gossip and look to fine some “reason”, out there, to gossip.

Unless we truly explore our inner behavior (mental models, self-images, ego
constructs, super-ego judgments, attendant beliefs, feelings and emotions), we
cannot be free from both the urge and the habit of gossip.

We can stop gossiping in the workplace only when an inner desire emerges from a deep sense of integrity and authenticity, and a conscious desire to be harmless in the context of our life and in our interactions with others.

Gossip is a form of workplace violence. To be free from inflicting this violence on others we need to explore and heal the split between our outer self and inner self. Only then can we live honest, sincere and responsible lives in the workplace, and out.

How to coach yourself about gossiping:

Why am I engaging in gossiping or supporting others who do so?
What does gossiping get me?
Is there another way to get this same result without harming another?
Does gossiping align with my personal and my organization’s espoused values around respecting and honoring people?
Would I repeat this gossip directly to the person it’s about?
Would I want to be quoted on TV or in the papers or in the company newsletter?
Would I encourage my children to engage in the behavior of gossip?
Would I engage in it if it were about a relative or personal friend?
Am I expressing my authenticity, sincerity, and integrity when I gossip?
Does gossiping match my commitments to my self and others?
Do I feel ethical when I’m gossiping?

(c) 2006, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. All rights in all media reserved.

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, is co-founder of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta,
GA firm specializing in coaching, counseling and facilitating for essential-well-being.
Peter’s expertise focuses on personal, business and relationship
coaching. He is a professional speaker and published author. For
more information about his services, email Peter at
pvajda@spiritheart.net.

For most people life is a fairly ordinary existence - and when I say ordinary I mean a contented, ‘far from perfect’ way of life. And that’s okay… until something major happens to rock the boat.

Divorce, illness, redundancy, an accident or the death of someone close – any one of these events is enough to get you thinking about your own morality. When you realise how thin the cord of life is you begin to contemplate the meaning of your life and the direction you’re currently heading. Life becomes more precious and you ask, ‘What’s it all about?’ or ‘What’s my purpose in life?’

You may be disillusioned with work. You may come home from the day tired or grumpy and unenthused after another day when your natural gifts have been unexpressed and passions thwarted. You may feel stressed or be under your doctor and on medication for depression. Other areas of your life may also be far from perfect and although you’ve decided to change things, you have no idea what you might change things to. It is here that many people become stuck and opt for the status quo. If you are one of these people then the rest of this article will help you.

Believe it or not a growing number of people are restless with life. They are shifting gear to accelerate away from difficulties at the first signs of trouble and finding that after an initial period of getting their heads around a new perspective on life, that life actually can be a magical experience where things that kept you back before – like a lack of confidence or money – are no longer a problem and very few things become major issues. I bet you’d like some of that, wouldn’t you?

So, how do you create this?

Finding purpose in life holds the key – and when I say ‘purpose’ I mean ‘Life Purpose’
There are a few principles to this and I’ve listed them below in very general terms to help you understand how simplistic living, governed by your Life Purpose rather than the dictates of society, can be.

Principle One - you were born with a unique talent and a distinctive way of expressing it.

Principle Two – at some level you already know your life purpose.

Principle Tree – Life Purpose is often hidden by day-to-day living. The problem is life got complicated and you forgot what it was you intended to do. The aim of this article is to help you understand what happens as a result of losing your way, so you can do something to change.

Principle Four – Life purpose is not just job specific. Most people think life purpose is all about your work. Work is a key element, but not the be-all and end-all. You’ll find that your Life Purpose can be expressed through your work. For example if your Life Purpose is to work as a healer you could heal in a number of ways – by providing massage therapy, nursing, counselling, coaching or writing.

Principle Five - Without clarity of life purpose living becomes existence. If you don’t know what you want you are like a ship without a rudder. You have no meaning or direction except necessity… and the direction others send you in – usually those who are clear what they want and have learned how to achieve their goals getting you to do the workload while they put their feet up and take five.

Principle Six - A Life Purpose will benefit others. Ultimately your Life Purpose will benefit the greater good. It doesn’t have to be what Ghandi did for India. It can be much simpler. It could be the way you care for lame animals, the way you empower children or the beauty you create as a gardener.

Principle Seven - Life Purpose links mind, body and spirit. When you work with your life purpose there is no gap between these essential elements of living. You take care of all three areas of your life. You mind is engaged, your body is energised and your spirit is raised. Once you’re on the journey living your Life Purpose is like experiencing magic from morning through to evening.

Jo Ball is a Life Purpose Coach. She’d love you to join up to her free monthly newsletter full of ideas, tips and stories on living life on purpose. What’s more, when you join the fast-growing readership she’ll send you a free e-book, Greater Steps to Happiness as a thank you gift. Join Jo now at http://www.unstoppablelife.com